Briefcase Barbie*
*baby sold separately
Chances are, if you are a girl (or a boy whose parents wanted a girl) when you were a kid you had a Barbie doll. Or a dozen. And all the little tiny high heeled shoes and the bikinis that slid up her crazy long legs, over her firm hips, and onto her one inch waist below her disproportionately large chest. Yes, Barbie wore the heels with the bikinis. In fact, Barbie’s feet were molded to only stand up whilst in these sexy heels. Barbie had a dream boat. Barbie had a dream house. Barbie even had a dream car – a pink convertible. Barbie also had Ken. Ken had a suit and briefcase and presumably a job. (Someone had to pay for the dream house and the dream boat.) Ken also was not anatomically correct so apparently babies were not part of Barbie’s future (or at least with Ken in the traditional manner.) Perhaps we were all supposed to grow up thinking that if we wore the heels and the bikini and found Ken, a life of leisure lounging on the beach would follow.
So, here is out it really turned out. Barbie was smart and got a great job right out of college. She kept moving up in the career world and no longer had time for the beach or traded in her bikini for a briefcase. She eventually married Ken but he lost his job shortly after because of a crappy economy. At age 40, Barbie got promoted and finally got pregnant after $20,000 worth of in vitro). Ken became a stay at home dad and traded in the dream car for a mini van with a car seat. Barbie quit wearing heels because her feet swelled up to size nine during pregnancy and her hair turned dirt brown because she didn’t want to risk the chemical effects of bleaching her hair on the baby. She cut it short since it was usually full of spit up and the baby pulled on it and it was too high maintenance for a working mom lifestyle. She didn’t have time to go to the gym anymore, so her tiny waist was history, and so was her tan when she found an early stage melanoma on her chest which breast feeding had already wreaked havoc on.
Ken became resentful and had an affair with Skipper while her boyfriend GI Joe was in Iraq. The dream house plummeted 40% in value after the housing crisis and was unsellable, so Barbie and Ken had no choice but start counseling and work it out. *At time of posting, baby Ben (Barbie+Ken) is also in therapy.
